we learn & we grow

"little kids are so impressionable"


i had a video on my cell phone of my friend


sneaking up and startling his  much younger sister


& i showed it to the 2 year old little girl my mom i look after
& we all laughed for a moment as she
ran in to & out of the kitchen screaming & laughing


mimicking what she saw in the video


she was doing it her way


but she wasnt startling us


she was making us laugh & herself  laugh


this is what in the 1st place caught her attention


the video made her laugh & us laugh


so she liked that we laughed so
 she recreated it.


its alot like how


we live


we see the ( positive or negative) social effects of wearing a certain style of clothing
& the reviews we get


we see the social effects it has when your around of group of people who
use profanity


we see the emotional effects when we make someone smile
or laugh


or cry


we learn these things in life
how we affect it.


&
at times its easy to think


that if we dont in some way


we arnt benefiting ?


that because we cant have and effect in any way ( positive or negative)


we must not be doing the right things


but what if we changed how we viewed our selves


what if we changed how we viewed


our lives ?


what if we werent so busy worrying about


what to wear next week that


we thought about how someone else would dress


with a low flow of income & donated what we have


that we dont seem to need to someone who would.


what if we didnt care about the latest craze


in our group of friends that we took the time
to discover what we truly


liked
 instead of letting everyone else choose for us


what if we spent one day for
solely for


the benefit of others


to make someone else smile


& at the end of the day


found what truly

is important to us

more than ourselves : we are

why
are we so open to tell our feelings
but not
about what the real problem is


is it that on the surface we just want attention


or deep down to we really want to be understood
or is that the last thing we want


some one to know too much about who we
really are 
when we dont even know


all we know is
what we like & what we tell everyone that we dont


feeding on the social buzz


leaning on every fake smile


fueling the fire of a public life
dousing the flames of individuality


hoping that some how it'll all be real
when we're just
feeding the facade of


fake friends
taking love out of context 
out of
heart


living for the words that just fall out of our mouths
& are sent out before we even thought about
anyone anyone else
but our selves


who are we


that we want things here & now that
we're willing to sacrifice truth & honesty
& true originality
to meet a demand for what we want


who are we
who are we becoming ?


look around
this is our generation


we can always change it


we can become trustworthy individuals 


& those people who just need 
to reveal the pains of their 
inner self 
waiting to come into the light 


can


& we can all start 
to live 


honestly 
&
truthfully 
to the best of our abilities 


for something more than ourselves 

endless wonder

isn't it nice to look up at the stars on a clear night

& feel so small 

& at any moment they could fall out of the sky..

 but they don't

 and you get to enjoy them.

& if you're a believer to know that great infinite god who created all of this earth

knows exactly where you are.

and that your admiring his creation  while he's taking delight in his

that all around us is a reminder.

not that that tree over there is god.

but that he

made this dwelling place for us

he poured out his love to create us & even more

 to give us a place of endless wonder.

if you think that it is or not.

i find a lot of things beautiful. 

my definition of beautiful might be different than yours

but when i look up

& i see a 100 stars shimmering held in place by a god

who knows true beauty

i cant help but feel a peace in my soul 

and to me thats beautiful 

perfectionist cringe

im sitting here enjoying my cocoa pebbles ..

i realized i havnt posted anything in a while.

the 1st thought that pops into my head.

Im not perfect.

i do get upset

i dont get straight A's ..or B's..

im not always as deep as people may think

.. i do love some mindless humor once in a while

my writing style has been labeled " awkward"


i have not found the perfect milk to pebble ratio ...

 i digress ..

I've found out that, disappointment comes

when our set expectations arnt met.

it could be as simple as

getting some cereal that has been hyped up &advertised to be the best thing..

and it turns out to taste like sugary cardboard (im just really enjoying my cocoa pebbles.. jealous?)

or as complicated as

losing trust in a close friend.

no matter what we

do to control us ( ourselves )

  despite our set expectations we have in our heads of

who we should be ..

  we're human

& i've found that sometimes i've forgotten to add

that into the

calculations.

even though we do mess up, and we do make mistakes.

it's never an excuse to give up.

its a reason to not constantly rag on yourself

because we all mess up.

but the difference between some people &

most people ..

is

some people learn or deal with the screw-ups & keep moving forward

most people don't.

the desperate old school house wives book club

How imagination got the best of them 


I've realized some thing recently that..

i probably already knew

but 

as girls
 at times
we base what we expect from our relationships

from what we get from the media..

crazy isnt it?

but its true, if you look back to the early writings in the 1800's 

stories( i learned this is in english.. also crazy) most plays and novels 

were written for the upper class nobles who could afford them.

And the only people able to sit around read&daydream 

were the 

noble's wives..mostly known as the "desperate old school house wives"

mostly because it was an escape for them 

this being because 

 they were married for money or social standing .

They would read these stories of scandalous noble women and their chivalrous knights that ride in and rescue them from their utterly boring lives of wealth &and..sewing. 

but i can see where they're coming from..

one of the rules of courtly love mostly created by the desperate old school house wives book club leader the queen of england at the time.

even though most of these rules were im my view

based on stupid and childish thoughts on love.

..i digress 

the rule was that no one should be with out love (unless there were insinuating circumstances)

 that no one deserves to not be love.

even though this was talking strictly about romantic love

i totally agree. 
no one should be with out love.

over time the media has tried to keep up

with our demanding wants and magical imaginations 

& create these chick flicks 

that do exactly what they are made to do

..
make us embrace this romantic idea of what

love should look & feel like.

 to take us away from our own lives. to get us lost in 

these magical stories 

 instead of embracing reality and investing in honest real 

relationships.

sometimes we just need to get past feelings that get us into 

trouble more than they profit us.

and wake up 

when the movies over 

and find out what real love is.

i've realized it doesn't have to be someone who

 you can kiss every time you see eachother.

sometimes its a best friend who

 will give up their time to hear you cry over the phone til 4 in the morning and 

still 

text you back the next day to see if your ok.

all im saying is

no one deserves to be with out love.

 changing the definition and qualifications of 

what its considered love

to meet some idea that makes us feel happy 

for a moment 

isnt going to help

maybe we have to come back to reality  long enough to 

find something we thought only

 existed in our dreams.

"..you know with out the cannibalistic references"

This being my senior year

im being bombarded with ideas and plans that aren't mine

of what i should do with my future

& i know i shouldn't get territorial about it

seeing as well.. these are gods plan's vs. mine

i intend on losing. and i will be happy about it haha.

if i can

continue to remember that his are better in so many

different ways.

im trying to look at my life and find where gods spoke to

me the most.

and it seems to be in Graphic arts/music and writing so far

i was in the car today my favorite thinking spot.

i was in a terrible selfish annoyed mood.

i put my fuze on shuffle &

a phil wickham worship like song was playing

honestly

I didnt feel like listening to a worship song

i felt like just listen to something to calm me down and not think

& it was like how you play the " our song" after

a break up.

enough times to help you get over that someone.

except i wasn't getting over god

i was getting over me

which in an ironic way

i found more important

it sounds strange but i cant get any closer

to him .. if i keep getting in way.

the other day i felt in way

i had let down god..

i happen to forget that im human. which doesnt mean its an excuse to fail.

more of an excuse to give up .

when i was younger i can remember getting so frustrated at simple things like trying to dress myself and getting my

head stuck in a dress or a sweater cause i was rushing too much to notice there was a 5th button..

and i would keep trying to just pull on the sleeves..

..but that head of mine kept giving me trouble

which continued to not work until i somehow i manage to run all the way down the hall and a flight of stairs

to my mother for help

some times its not that we need a reason to make up for our failures

but some times we just need to admit when we no longer

can mange it all on our own.

i think

this is what god was trying to get me to understand.

which i do.

I felt like a waitress and jesus was at the table &

i walked up and asked him how could i serve him

but then before he could say anything

i recommended him some nice wine and

told him im sure there are plenty of

other people waiting to serve him

that wouldnt mess up as bad as i would

accidentally bringing him pork or shell fish.

but i didnt feel like jesus would have cared.

i think he would just laugh in a way that only her could

& ask me to sit and have a real communion

with him.

you know with out the cannibalistic references but the real deal

how it was meant to be

with out metaphors or analogies

or little chalky wafers that look like gum.

thats how he wants it to be thats how he intended it to be.

all along

i guess sometimes i forget.

what ive discovered is he wants to just talk with us soo much

& he doesnt care

if you do it over a little cup of grape juice.

or over some afternoon tea

he just wants to meet with us and exchange i love you's and

chat about our day, the things that trouble us

the stresses about the upcoming year.

good or bad.

in the end he can always make it better.

keep holding on

i dont normally start a blog with a title in mind

but i figured if this is for you

it'd get your attention

im not really sure

but i've had this big burden on my heart

and its been telling me to tell someone that
you are'nt alone
your important
and so is your story
i'd love to hear it

sometimes we judge other people labeling them because we think they
will judge or label us
if we open up to them.

i know what its like to shut off contact with people
push them away to be alone

when i needed it most.

everyone needs someone
& im here

if you need a someone

i'll pull a van gogh

and lend you my ear
lol

i'll be here

no room

this past year ive noticed
its been difficult in certain situations to
decifer emotions from thoughts
and to understand when one should not control the other.
and even more when one comes from unresolved thoughts.
its confusing. i know lol
sometimes the simplest word from someone
can open up your eyes. & when taken to heart
can just well. help.

This weekend i traveled to south carolina to hear&meet my favorite
writer Don Miller while on tour for his latest book.

Don was talking about happiness/ and low expectations

He talked about denmark being one of the 3rd happiest places in the world.
.. he watched this on 60 mins so its def legit if your wondering lol
what caught my attention the most was when he spun off
talking about people
and i could tell he was becoming more personal
when he said sometimes we get so irritated with people because they dont meet our expectiations
something like that. but this is probably just my interpretation of it.
he continued
and if we just realized that people aren't perfect
& stopped playing the blame game
it would make it things alot more simplier and we would be more content.

this rocked me. its so simple and ive probably heard it before.
but im sure that i was ment to hear it then. at this point in my story
hearing those words and getting a hold of them.
was the start to my own healing process.

my mind atomatically went to a situation i had some unresolved bitterness to
which..
(i wont really go into it but i thought i had forgiven someone and i had but i went back and in my heart blamed them for something they had no control over. me. dealing with disappointments in life is taking responsiblity for you. ive said this before you can always choose the situations that happen to you but you can choose how to respond in the middle of them. in the past i chose self pity and pointed the finger at the wrong person. and this helped me see what i needed to a long time ago. and honestly i really wouldnt have been surprised if i had heard something like what don spoke about before. i think if i did & i didnt apply to my life. it was because i wasnt in the place to fix it. not that i couldnt have. but i know i was ment to hear those words. )

i really have no reason to.

this is what im saying
putting someone on a pedestal
is setting you up to be disappointed .
people are human & so are you.
you cant blame someone else for your feelings.
self pity will get you no where.
except probably into a state of depression
like don said 'you just need to get that crap out of your life theres no room for it'
that is unless you dont want to lead a fufilling happier life

other wise you would read everything i said here in the opposite

as a side note
this may seem somewhat harsh or insenstive
to those who say that.
im not talking to you.
im talking to the one who read this and their mind went to a past
hurt, current situation.

im not saying that this is easy
but clearing the other distractions in life
can help the healing start so
you can live

thinking out loud

what's to say somthing no longer has meaning when its purpose is no longer achievable ?

who's to say

un-special

i had one of the most relaxing Monday afternoons this past week

i walk to a local pharmacy after school &

picked up a mountain dew ( yes..i love it)

let me paint a picture for you

i was supposed to be getting picked up but

i just felt like sitting

i opened my backpack and took out my copy of
Donald millers new book

but i didn't really feel much for reading just yet

just sitting there i some how just narrated in my mind

how i would describe this moment if i had to

" the aroma in the gentle breeze had the faint but consistent
scent of cigarette smoke..
but i didn't mind.. i just sat
watching busy people pass by me sitting at this cafe table.

had my back pack not been next to me
i wondered about what they would think about
me
some random girl sitting there."

but i never went any further than that.

i'll i know about this day is ..

no special guest speaker appeared at a random school assembly
and their story
made me appreciate mine even more. ( But that's for another day)

there was no great encouraging word spoken to me
by a teacher. there was no magical free ride to any college of my choice
contest
that i won..
no special sale on mountain dew..(disappointing)

all i can remember

what stands out so strong in my mind
was the

peace i had.

there was nothing special
if you went through my day right by my side you could see that.
&
i think that's what made me love it that much more.
nothing great happened. no revelation.

God's voice never thundered my name

that contentment

taught me something.

peace can be found in the most

un-special. normal situations.

the hero doesn't have to save the damsel and

then reflect on his day staring
into the sunset pondering about the meaning in his life.

to experience peace.

sometimes its just a gift.

and comes at the most un-special time

to make you appreciate it

in the times when you feel like

you need it more than air.

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
certain ones. every relationship has the potiential for a better onejust depends on how much both ppl but into it
someone helped me understand this today

took a survey for the 1st time in 12th to never.
and some of these questions caught my attention

In one of my classes there is a theme of fake friendship"marriages"
my friend was sarcasticly couxing me to make our's work haha.
he said that " for this to work we both have to give our.."
i cut him off he wasnt going to finish his thought " you mean like 50/50..so this can reach its potiential?"
" .right." he said

this doesnt only apply to guy and girl relationships.
any friendship. can just stay as a simple friendship.
or it can grow and become more
open.
intimate.
giving room for trust to grow.

#2
Does'nt it piss you off that stupid sixth graders think they're in love?
well im sure they're just immature not stupid.. and havnt have enough life experience yet. life experience being higher education. heart break. self improvement. andd i feel sometimes to tell them they're wrong is like telling a 5 year old that eating too many gummies will make you sick they'll do what they want ..
they'll just have to decide when they'll grow up
and pick up a carrot stick once in a while.

why dont you live?

if i could tell myself this in an out of body expericence
i would and at times i wish i had some one tell me this..
but ive found this out through life -

you are not the only one with problems.

you see the difference between you and everyone else isthey dont let their problems( their hurts) define their lives.. move past it and live these things arnt the death of you. they're just the beginning of a new movement in your life.

and if you think that they do i assure you they arnt as happy as they could be..


and on another note who cares about everyone else

if everyone else is miserable
why be the same
be your own hero

why dont you live?

Peace of heart

at certain times in my life

there have been moments

when i've just wanted

to scream

out loud

expose the murmers of my heart

in one instance

i remember a time when i felt very alone

and i was tired of trying to not be alone, i had given up.

today

i was sitting on the couch in my den thinking

about what my heart would scream if i gave it a voice

i would escape to some forest

and say

i just want to be loved!

but i can imagine

even in my isolation

gods creation echoing back to me

i love you

.

i read a childrens book once

its by max lucado

honestly i think its the best book every written

but in it he says that our human hearts couldnt contain all the

love god has for us

so

made his creation the nature we see

he made it for us to see the beauty in it

as a reminder of all the love he has for us

if i ran out to a forest

and my heart sang of its troubles

if i stopped for a moment and looked around & listened

i could hear the echoing of

God

serenading my heart

reminding me

im loved

simple truths that complex my life

i just like the title.

i'll write later haha.

maybe a book idea??

hmmm

searching for a reason to search

i dont have much to say


well that could be a lie


...
we'll see
i just have a simple idea concept
id like to throw your way
catch it or .. not lol
..
sometimes the most meaningful moments in our lives
come when we
find we dont want them to be meaningful at the time..


bear with me


life is full of trials but while we're in them we
dont always think
" this is honestly fantastic"
unless you lie to your self ...
alot
lol
that is an unnatural response


mostly its because we can see the end
we can see the beauty in the trial
.. while we're in the trail
all we can see is
that it sucks
making us miserable


My friend best friend john has taught me a few things
out of them
1 recently being that


we can always see the end of a situation but we can have faith & believe
that we'll make it there
if we try.
now
that " if we try"
is a very important part in this rant of mine lol
because if we dont try we're just dreamers who never woke up
.. we're like alice stuck in a trippy wonderland

theres a difference between Dreaming & believing


dreaming is a hope or wish with out action
believing is having faith that dream will happen and moving in that faith.


everyone needs a dream of some sort
but more than that
we need to believe that to get to the end
we need to know
that its worth it
and that we arnt better off with out it

( i say we because.. mostly when I'm writing these.. im not just talking to hear my self talk. im saying we because I'm alive just as your alive .. because your reading this..unless your a zombie.. in that case stop haha. annyways. but im still learning things everyday just like you. i
say that to say this)


not matter what your situation is
if you've just given up on trying in life

given up on a dream
been hurt

your not alone
because "we"
isnt just you
its you and me

"hey brother do you remember when"

memories
can be interesting things.
I was watching "the eye" which is a remake of a Japanese horror film

.. something like that
well simply put.
a blind person gets a cornea transplant for her eyes.
soo she can now see. but she gets the horror filled memories of the previous owner.

not a fan of the movie i stopped watching it haha.

but it got me thinking

I remember one of the 1st lessons i learned in 11Th grade history was
something I'm sure I've heard before.

From what i can remember it was during the 1st week of school
and after the bustle of the class change. My teacher approaches the podium he asks the class " what is the point of studing history"

and the answer was, we study history so we can learn from the mistakes of the past so

we dont repeat them.

memories are kindof the same.

except memories have emotion.
why?

.. beacause you were there.
sometimes when i think of the cruelty we've learned
that occurs in the world.. i try to relate emotionally and mentally

thats the point if we see and begin to understand the cruelties of something
and the thought of that happening again is far from where we want it .
. we've just

proved the point of learning about the past.. so we can change the future for the better.

i can remember a relationship.
i can remember how my heart felt around this person
i can remember the simple things that made my day
i can
also remember the pain in my heart after i let being with that person control my happiness
i realized this after we broke up.

i can learn so much more from my own personal memories, experiences
than what someone else tells me from theirs.

if i forget what ive learned
whats to say
it might not happen again?

I've always tried to learn something new every day

and

its very possible if you just stop and think

but im sure i've forgot some of the lessons I learn day after

day but

if i stop trying to remember

chances are

i'll be reminded

Explanation

if you're wondering.

why my blog is titled " i can only speak about what i know"

well i was thinking before i normally kep my writings online

i asked myself why would i write a blog

i was thinking about it and it felt like god was asking me 2 questions

what would you tell them.

and

what do you know.

thinking about that on another note

its kinda like what christianity is knowing a truth.

living life based on that truth.

and telling other people about it.

i think Daniel Floyd the sweett pastor of Lifepoint church

said something to the effect of

im not going to tell you something im not believing and not acting on myself

and

thats to the effect of what i stand for in my writing

im not going to write about something i dont know about.

like..gossip

dumb lol

im going to write about things that have happened in my life

and how they made me feel what i think about them.

because for sure..i know about my own feelings and my own experiences

more than anyone in this world.

so im not going to type up a whiny blog about how some

one hurt me or what i think some one was thinking when they slipped up in their life.

one.

thats not my place.

its no ones place to judge any one else.

that belongs to the one who ultimately created them.

god.

and i have no right to over step him in anyway.

our lives are full of choices

just as they are experiences

and we can choose to forget them.

feel bad about them or learn from them.

this is me writing to you about the latter.

just to hear

lately

i really have alot of ideas to elaborate on

honestly.

I'm feeling lazy

I see and hear inspiration all around me

in situations in songs in nature.

but im just so

lazy

maybe one day soon i'll just wake up after a nightt of conversating ( conversing whichever) with god

and just jump to a computer and type away.

well that day could be tomorrow.

but more than hoping for that.

im hoping and desiring for .

is god to speak to me.

i'd rather have that than a new yorks best seller

or a million compliments on who i am

and thats the only thing

just to hear him say well done

just to hear him speak

end with the truth

ever heard that its impossible to tell just one lie..

well during my car ride home i thought about it

a husband promised his wife he would be home ( he's dealing with a gambling problem lol after

falling into a large pile of debt)

she texts him on her way home from work & he responds telling her he's sitting on the couch watching the game ( lie 1) he is actually on his was to the car

after his wife arrives home she wonders why he isnt there
and he texts his wife after she arrives home and sees he isnt there
( he then get a strong urge to go the the neighbor hood casino haha ( which im sure in some parts exists)
he's driving down the road going back to their house.
she calls
she asks " where did you go" he thought of saying i went to taco bell but he was hungry..

he thought up.. i had to get batteries.. " batteries?" (lie2)

" yea..for that old toy i found" (lie3)
" what toy?"
umm that old toy robot (lie4) i found in the attic a few days ago (lie 5)
" i dont remember that"
" i guess i found it while you were getting your hair cut"
( lie6)
" oh, so did you find um?"
" no that super batteries R us store apparently doesnt have everything"
(lie7)
" thats strange what type was it?
" uhh i was the special type of 9 volt battery"
(lie8)
" special type?"
"yea idk it was a rare kind of toy"
(lie9)
" alright what ever, i have pork chops for dinner"
" o ok good i love your pork chops"
.. (lie10)

so.. starting with a lie can end with a lie

or can end with the truth

and bill here will have to live with this lie.
i thought about how we can lie to ourselves

and its sounds dumb ( and difficult cause ..well its you lol)

but we all do it
ever told yourself "im not beautiful"

"God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:...."Genesis 1:26
ever thought " i dont have a future im nothing special"
Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
when that thought comes in to your head ...you can entertain it.
..
you can add a lie to a lie or you can end it with the truth

god love you, he cares, he knows you and loves you more than

i or anyone else ever could, no matter what religion or people tell you

he loves you not matter what you've done or what your going to do after you read this.

he cares and i care.

i believe in that kind of love

how am i supposed to know what you wont tell.
i can trust so i can assume

i cant trust an assumption
thats what darwin did.
an ive never been to the canary islands but..
then again ive never seen an alligator/flying dinosaur

so.. what is there to assume.

if im not talking or busy generally you'll find me staring out a window.

its not because im dense..

mostly its because its calming to look out a window and generally see
that the world isnt in utter destruction..

that my mind could always make me feel like it is.

its calming in the sense that i dont have to worry a little less


and sometimes i wish i was enoch or elijah .. and im looking towards

the sky hoping god would just poof*
haha not really but those guys were awesome.

" i will lift my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help" well thats from a hymn but im pretty sure thats from an actual verse

when i think about that i think of heaven where jesus is

cause thats the one who has forever supplied my help.. for anything

i saw on some one's facebook for what t hey believed in they said : When someone steps in your shoes and will shed His own blood there is no greater love.

so i agree thats the kind of love i believe in .

"with whom i..."

lately ive been getting distracted my mind's been jumping around juggling

with which

thought to keep in my line of view from one moment to the next

honestly, its annoying.

today

i got on twitter i saw the Don Millermade a post about a link to his publishers site with a preview of the 1st 30 pages of his new book thats coming out in the fall( i had already read the 1st chapter that was included in my copy of blue like jazz)

i promise this isnt about him or blue like jazz

haha.but i read it and of course i liked it.b

ut i saw on the side a link for another author John Macarthur.

Im not sure if it was that i thought that was a sweet name or the title of the book..

( The Jesus You Can't Ignore.. ( ironic) or his name just looked familiar.

but it caught my attention i thumbed through the virtual pages skimed past the prologue (not that the book wasnt interesting im sure ill go back and read it)

and the only thing that caught my eye was the authors Dedication:

"With thanks to Kent Stainbeck, a kind and generous friend with whom i sharea deep love of the Truth"

i found that beautiful.

in the sense that he has a friend where the most important thing they have in common

isnt their favorite idk.. football teamits that the both know of the truthand are still friends

reguardless of all the false truths out there and he finds that dear that as friends they do share

that love for the truth.

the bible is known as the book of truths i see it as

the most honest book you will ever read it may not always make you feel the best.

but none the less its the truth

for everyone just the same

and i found that beautiful that for these two guys thats something that stands out in their

friendship as a precious bond

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 9-10 It's better to have a partner than go it alone.

Share the work, share the wealth.

And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there's no one to help, tough!

11 Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night.

12 By yourself you're unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.

Can you round up a third?

A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.

its been a week right?

well it feels like its been a while
haha.
hmm. well whenever i think up something or something just rings in
my head i keep it in my phone.
soo i have a bunch & im just gonna lay a few out here
and see if i feel like writing more about um..
heeere we go.

1. " he doesnt need an alibi to set your sleepless mind at ease, he's the peace lullaby
to lull your heart to sleep."
2.( im combining 2 but they were written around the same time)
" my heart is heavy and light, it only feels light when i look to the sky.
it felt like his love was trying to penetrate my heart full of regret and bitterness it had no
room for his love"
...
as
you can imagine im not referring to a guy .. :)
Jesus answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." - John 16:33 (The Message)

ive found that no matter what people say, what music you listen to
what you say to yourself.. if your unsure or worried about anything
it makes sense to trust in the god who holds the future.. your future
in his
hand
not to say
" look what i have"
no.
him and only him can i fully trust my life with
he can keep it from people who would try to mess with it

and he's the only one

who can give me peace when im not sure what to do next in this life.

2 words that speak the most

theres a song by phil whickham called Grace-

a line in that song goes a little something like "i need a voice thats louder than mine"

Songs speak

differently to every one

im sure there could be some board of intellectual ninnies that would say the main idea is one of two0 things..but.

Im pretty sure phillip is talking about

god and his grace.

and thinking about that line.

i think about those things i hear my youth pastor

or some sweet pastor talk ( i cant specifically think of the scripture..i know im an awful blogger haha..) about god not condemnating.

i think god speaks to us in love.

and i was re reading blue like jazz again

don is talking about how when he went through a time in

his life where he didnt love him self and he wondered why his relationship he was in

wasnt working.

& he found it was because he couldnt receive love.

he was down on himself.

and wasnt able to receive compliments, affection.

and how he snapped out of it was.

god spoke to

him " love your neighbor as your self"and if he love his neighbor( this being any and everyone)like how he loved himself..

he wouldnt be showing love... at all.

and thinking if god tells us to love our neighbor he loves us and then we love them.

not judging but, not condoning showing grace & love like he does.

thats the greatest commandment of all right?.

so how can you love other people when you dont love your self

how can you acknowlege love when you cant receive it

when you feel like you dont deserve it.

you realize that we're supposed to live for something bigger thanourselves.

its not always easy.

sometimes we need to be careful to what voice we're listening to

are we listening to love?

thoughts that make us look down on ourselves

what everyone else thinks?

love speaks differently you just dont fall in love with

someone

who

tells you what everyone else does.

talks down to you. eak the most

makes you change who you are.

you fall in love with someone you treats you right.
someone who tells you what they honestly thinksomeone who tells you,
you dont have to change anything
someone who accepts you and wants to be with you anyway

..haha.that why i think god speaks in love.

he see everything i do .

he hears everything i say or think he knows my heart, even if i dont share it
haha
&..
he still loves me.no matter my past.and he openly gives me his love when i dont deserve itthats grace.and that is word number

2. haha.reminds me of seasame street...
today is sponsored by the lettersL & G ..and the number 2i think im gonna write a part 2 i love love lol and it deserves another installment
.....and more than my writing :)

deny deny deny

sometimes the hardest person to be honest with

is your self.
you may know truth, but you dont believe it.

its not easy to believe a truth that isnt a bed of roses.
the truth can hurt.
sometime ive found that when we finally acknowledge the
truth

thats step one.. and no its not the hardest
i think believing in something

takes action , take change

taking a truth

accepting it then
doing something about it

thats what "hurts".

if you say you believe in something but you
dont do anything but say you believe in it
what are you doing?
thats what some people would consider a poser
am i making some sense?
you just take the title with out doing any work,

like if i said i think that we should
change the world by going green..

and i write about my ordeal trying to
make other people see that we need to go green for our planet

but i never change out my 60 watt blubs in all my lighting and
i never unplug my outlets when im not using them, rarely turn off a light when i leave
a room etc..

i can shout it from the roof tops but if im not making an
effort im just..

a

poser
so when i come across a truth
i can say what sounds good
or i can actually put my words to work and
do something..
cause dont actions speak louder?