why dont you live?

if i could tell myself this in an out of body expericence
i would and at times i wish i had some one tell me this..
but ive found this out through life -

you are not the only one with problems.

you see the difference between you and everyone else isthey dont let their problems( their hurts) define their lives.. move past it and live these things arnt the death of you. they're just the beginning of a new movement in your life.

and if you think that they do i assure you they arnt as happy as they could be..


and on another note who cares about everyone else

if everyone else is miserable
why be the same
be your own hero

why dont you live?

Peace of heart

at certain times in my life

there have been moments

when i've just wanted

to scream

out loud

expose the murmers of my heart

in one instance

i remember a time when i felt very alone

and i was tired of trying to not be alone, i had given up.

today

i was sitting on the couch in my den thinking

about what my heart would scream if i gave it a voice

i would escape to some forest

and say

i just want to be loved!

but i can imagine

even in my isolation

gods creation echoing back to me

i love you

.

i read a childrens book once

its by max lucado

honestly i think its the best book every written

but in it he says that our human hearts couldnt contain all the

love god has for us

so

made his creation the nature we see

he made it for us to see the beauty in it

as a reminder of all the love he has for us

if i ran out to a forest

and my heart sang of its troubles

if i stopped for a moment and looked around & listened

i could hear the echoing of

God

serenading my heart

reminding me

im loved

simple truths that complex my life

i just like the title.

i'll write later haha.

maybe a book idea??

hmmm

searching for a reason to search

i dont have much to say


well that could be a lie


...
we'll see
i just have a simple idea concept
id like to throw your way
catch it or .. not lol
..
sometimes the most meaningful moments in our lives
come when we
find we dont want them to be meaningful at the time..


bear with me


life is full of trials but while we're in them we
dont always think
" this is honestly fantastic"
unless you lie to your self ...
alot
lol
that is an unnatural response


mostly its because we can see the end
we can see the beauty in the trial
.. while we're in the trail
all we can see is
that it sucks
making us miserable


My friend best friend john has taught me a few things
out of them
1 recently being that


we can always see the end of a situation but we can have faith & believe
that we'll make it there
if we try.
now
that " if we try"
is a very important part in this rant of mine lol
because if we dont try we're just dreamers who never woke up
.. we're like alice stuck in a trippy wonderland

theres a difference between Dreaming & believing


dreaming is a hope or wish with out action
believing is having faith that dream will happen and moving in that faith.


everyone needs a dream of some sort
but more than that
we need to believe that to get to the end
we need to know
that its worth it
and that we arnt better off with out it

( i say we because.. mostly when I'm writing these.. im not just talking to hear my self talk. im saying we because I'm alive just as your alive .. because your reading this..unless your a zombie.. in that case stop haha. annyways. but im still learning things everyday just like you. i
say that to say this)


not matter what your situation is
if you've just given up on trying in life

given up on a dream
been hurt

your not alone
because "we"
isnt just you
its you and me

"hey brother do you remember when"

memories
can be interesting things.
I was watching "the eye" which is a remake of a Japanese horror film

.. something like that
well simply put.
a blind person gets a cornea transplant for her eyes.
soo she can now see. but she gets the horror filled memories of the previous owner.

not a fan of the movie i stopped watching it haha.

but it got me thinking

I remember one of the 1st lessons i learned in 11Th grade history was
something I'm sure I've heard before.

From what i can remember it was during the 1st week of school
and after the bustle of the class change. My teacher approaches the podium he asks the class " what is the point of studing history"

and the answer was, we study history so we can learn from the mistakes of the past so

we dont repeat them.

memories are kindof the same.

except memories have emotion.
why?

.. beacause you were there.
sometimes when i think of the cruelty we've learned
that occurs in the world.. i try to relate emotionally and mentally

thats the point if we see and begin to understand the cruelties of something
and the thought of that happening again is far from where we want it .
. we've just

proved the point of learning about the past.. so we can change the future for the better.

i can remember a relationship.
i can remember how my heart felt around this person
i can remember the simple things that made my day
i can
also remember the pain in my heart after i let being with that person control my happiness
i realized this after we broke up.

i can learn so much more from my own personal memories, experiences
than what someone else tells me from theirs.

if i forget what ive learned
whats to say
it might not happen again?

I've always tried to learn something new every day

and

its very possible if you just stop and think

but im sure i've forgot some of the lessons I learn day after

day but

if i stop trying to remember

chances are

i'll be reminded

Explanation

if you're wondering.

why my blog is titled " i can only speak about what i know"

well i was thinking before i normally kep my writings online

i asked myself why would i write a blog

i was thinking about it and it felt like god was asking me 2 questions

what would you tell them.

and

what do you know.

thinking about that on another note

its kinda like what christianity is knowing a truth.

living life based on that truth.

and telling other people about it.

i think Daniel Floyd the sweett pastor of Lifepoint church

said something to the effect of

im not going to tell you something im not believing and not acting on myself

and

thats to the effect of what i stand for in my writing

im not going to write about something i dont know about.

like..gossip

dumb lol

im going to write about things that have happened in my life

and how they made me feel what i think about them.

because for sure..i know about my own feelings and my own experiences

more than anyone in this world.

so im not going to type up a whiny blog about how some

one hurt me or what i think some one was thinking when they slipped up in their life.

one.

thats not my place.

its no ones place to judge any one else.

that belongs to the one who ultimately created them.

god.

and i have no right to over step him in anyway.

our lives are full of choices

just as they are experiences

and we can choose to forget them.

feel bad about them or learn from them.

this is me writing to you about the latter.

just to hear

lately

i really have alot of ideas to elaborate on

honestly.

I'm feeling lazy

I see and hear inspiration all around me

in situations in songs in nature.

but im just so

lazy

maybe one day soon i'll just wake up after a nightt of conversating ( conversing whichever) with god

and just jump to a computer and type away.

well that day could be tomorrow.

but more than hoping for that.

im hoping and desiring for .

is god to speak to me.

i'd rather have that than a new yorks best seller

or a million compliments on who i am

and thats the only thing

just to hear him say well done

just to hear him speak

end with the truth

ever heard that its impossible to tell just one lie..

well during my car ride home i thought about it

a husband promised his wife he would be home ( he's dealing with a gambling problem lol after

falling into a large pile of debt)

she texts him on her way home from work & he responds telling her he's sitting on the couch watching the game ( lie 1) he is actually on his was to the car

after his wife arrives home she wonders why he isnt there
and he texts his wife after she arrives home and sees he isnt there
( he then get a strong urge to go the the neighbor hood casino haha ( which im sure in some parts exists)
he's driving down the road going back to their house.
she calls
she asks " where did you go" he thought of saying i went to taco bell but he was hungry..

he thought up.. i had to get batteries.. " batteries?" (lie2)

" yea..for that old toy i found" (lie3)
" what toy?"
umm that old toy robot (lie4) i found in the attic a few days ago (lie 5)
" i dont remember that"
" i guess i found it while you were getting your hair cut"
( lie6)
" oh, so did you find um?"
" no that super batteries R us store apparently doesnt have everything"
(lie7)
" thats strange what type was it?
" uhh i was the special type of 9 volt battery"
(lie8)
" special type?"
"yea idk it was a rare kind of toy"
(lie9)
" alright what ever, i have pork chops for dinner"
" o ok good i love your pork chops"
.. (lie10)

so.. starting with a lie can end with a lie

or can end with the truth

and bill here will have to live with this lie.
i thought about how we can lie to ourselves

and its sounds dumb ( and difficult cause ..well its you lol)

but we all do it
ever told yourself "im not beautiful"

"God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:...."Genesis 1:26
ever thought " i dont have a future im nothing special"
Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
when that thought comes in to your head ...you can entertain it.
..
you can add a lie to a lie or you can end it with the truth

god love you, he cares, he knows you and loves you more than

i or anyone else ever could, no matter what religion or people tell you

he loves you not matter what you've done or what your going to do after you read this.

he cares and i care.

i believe in that kind of love

how am i supposed to know what you wont tell.
i can trust so i can assume

i cant trust an assumption
thats what darwin did.
an ive never been to the canary islands but..
then again ive never seen an alligator/flying dinosaur

so.. what is there to assume.

if im not talking or busy generally you'll find me staring out a window.

its not because im dense..

mostly its because its calming to look out a window and generally see
that the world isnt in utter destruction..

that my mind could always make me feel like it is.

its calming in the sense that i dont have to worry a little less


and sometimes i wish i was enoch or elijah .. and im looking towards

the sky hoping god would just poof*
haha not really but those guys were awesome.

" i will lift my eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help" well thats from a hymn but im pretty sure thats from an actual verse

when i think about that i think of heaven where jesus is

cause thats the one who has forever supplied my help.. for anything

i saw on some one's facebook for what t hey believed in they said : When someone steps in your shoes and will shed His own blood there is no greater love.

so i agree thats the kind of love i believe in .

"with whom i..."

lately ive been getting distracted my mind's been jumping around juggling

with which

thought to keep in my line of view from one moment to the next

honestly, its annoying.

today

i got on twitter i saw the Don Millermade a post about a link to his publishers site with a preview of the 1st 30 pages of his new book thats coming out in the fall( i had already read the 1st chapter that was included in my copy of blue like jazz)

i promise this isnt about him or blue like jazz

haha.but i read it and of course i liked it.b

ut i saw on the side a link for another author John Macarthur.

Im not sure if it was that i thought that was a sweet name or the title of the book..

( The Jesus You Can't Ignore.. ( ironic) or his name just looked familiar.

but it caught my attention i thumbed through the virtual pages skimed past the prologue (not that the book wasnt interesting im sure ill go back and read it)

and the only thing that caught my eye was the authors Dedication:

"With thanks to Kent Stainbeck, a kind and generous friend with whom i sharea deep love of the Truth"

i found that beautiful.

in the sense that he has a friend where the most important thing they have in common

isnt their favorite idk.. football teamits that the both know of the truthand are still friends

reguardless of all the false truths out there and he finds that dear that as friends they do share

that love for the truth.

the bible is known as the book of truths i see it as

the most honest book you will ever read it may not always make you feel the best.

but none the less its the truth

for everyone just the same

and i found that beautiful that for these two guys thats something that stands out in their

friendship as a precious bond

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 9-10 It's better to have a partner than go it alone.

Share the work, share the wealth.

And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there's no one to help, tough!

11 Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night.

12 By yourself you're unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.

Can you round up a third?

A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.

its been a week right?

well it feels like its been a while
haha.
hmm. well whenever i think up something or something just rings in
my head i keep it in my phone.
soo i have a bunch & im just gonna lay a few out here
and see if i feel like writing more about um..
heeere we go.

1. " he doesnt need an alibi to set your sleepless mind at ease, he's the peace lullaby
to lull your heart to sleep."
2.( im combining 2 but they were written around the same time)
" my heart is heavy and light, it only feels light when i look to the sky.
it felt like his love was trying to penetrate my heart full of regret and bitterness it had no
room for his love"
...
as
you can imagine im not referring to a guy .. :)
Jesus answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I'm not abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." - John 16:33 (The Message)

ive found that no matter what people say, what music you listen to
what you say to yourself.. if your unsure or worried about anything
it makes sense to trust in the god who holds the future.. your future
in his
hand
not to say
" look what i have"
no.
him and only him can i fully trust my life with
he can keep it from people who would try to mess with it

and he's the only one

who can give me peace when im not sure what to do next in this life.

2 words that speak the most

theres a song by phil whickham called Grace-

a line in that song goes a little something like "i need a voice thats louder than mine"

Songs speak

differently to every one

im sure there could be some board of intellectual ninnies that would say the main idea is one of two0 things..but.

Im pretty sure phillip is talking about

god and his grace.

and thinking about that line.

i think about those things i hear my youth pastor

or some sweet pastor talk ( i cant specifically think of the scripture..i know im an awful blogger haha..) about god not condemnating.

i think god speaks to us in love.

and i was re reading blue like jazz again

don is talking about how when he went through a time in

his life where he didnt love him self and he wondered why his relationship he was in

wasnt working.

& he found it was because he couldnt receive love.

he was down on himself.

and wasnt able to receive compliments, affection.

and how he snapped out of it was.

god spoke to

him " love your neighbor as your self"and if he love his neighbor( this being any and everyone)like how he loved himself..

he wouldnt be showing love... at all.

and thinking if god tells us to love our neighbor he loves us and then we love them.

not judging but, not condoning showing grace & love like he does.

thats the greatest commandment of all right?.

so how can you love other people when you dont love your self

how can you acknowlege love when you cant receive it

when you feel like you dont deserve it.

you realize that we're supposed to live for something bigger thanourselves.

its not always easy.

sometimes we need to be careful to what voice we're listening to

are we listening to love?

thoughts that make us look down on ourselves

what everyone else thinks?

love speaks differently you just dont fall in love with

someone

who

tells you what everyone else does.

talks down to you. eak the most

makes you change who you are.

you fall in love with someone you treats you right.
someone who tells you what they honestly thinksomeone who tells you,
you dont have to change anything
someone who accepts you and wants to be with you anyway

..haha.that why i think god speaks in love.

he see everything i do .

he hears everything i say or think he knows my heart, even if i dont share it
haha
&..
he still loves me.no matter my past.and he openly gives me his love when i dont deserve itthats grace.and that is word number

2. haha.reminds me of seasame street...
today is sponsored by the lettersL & G ..and the number 2i think im gonna write a part 2 i love love lol and it deserves another installment
.....and more than my writing :)

deny deny deny

sometimes the hardest person to be honest with

is your self.
you may know truth, but you dont believe it.

its not easy to believe a truth that isnt a bed of roses.
the truth can hurt.
sometime ive found that when we finally acknowledge the
truth

thats step one.. and no its not the hardest
i think believing in something

takes action , take change

taking a truth

accepting it then
doing something about it

thats what "hurts".

if you say you believe in something but you
dont do anything but say you believe in it
what are you doing?
thats what some people would consider a poser
am i making some sense?
you just take the title with out doing any work,

like if i said i think that we should
change the world by going green..

and i write about my ordeal trying to
make other people see that we need to go green for our planet

but i never change out my 60 watt blubs in all my lighting and
i never unplug my outlets when im not using them, rarely turn off a light when i leave
a room etc..

i can shout it from the roof tops but if im not making an
effort im just..

a

poser
so when i come across a truth
i can say what sounds good
or i can actually put my words to work and
do something..
cause dont actions speak louder?

i trust its not impossible ..thats a start

ive found when im not in a talking mood

im in a writing mood
..

eh they're kinda the same

it just id rather have people seek out what i say then seeking
out them to listen

call it what you want

i just wanna write

lately ive had my guard down.
which was dumb.

just when you get used to it..

something happens
you become less aware of
of the bad..

and focus on the
surface good of people
trust is the most important thing in
any
relationship

i dont care what they say about
communication
you have to trust that what the other's communicating

is true.. right?

ah ha!

haha welll..

for some reason my trust has been violated
and its rocked me to my core

ive seen the effects it is having
in more than one area

broken trust isnt so easily fixed

just like a broken heart has to mend
the process isnt just about the time

its a process

no one ever said regaining faith in something was easy
but you had it in the 1st place right?
so..

its not impossible