keep holding on

i dont normally start a blog with a title in mind

but i figured if this is for you

it'd get your attention

im not really sure

but i've had this big burden on my heart

and its been telling me to tell someone that
you are'nt alone
your important
and so is your story
i'd love to hear it

sometimes we judge other people labeling them because we think they
will judge or label us
if we open up to them.

i know what its like to shut off contact with people
push them away to be alone

when i needed it most.

everyone needs someone
& im here

if you need a someone

i'll pull a van gogh

and lend you my ear
lol

i'll be here

no room

this past year ive noticed
its been difficult in certain situations to
decifer emotions from thoughts
and to understand when one should not control the other.
and even more when one comes from unresolved thoughts.
its confusing. i know lol
sometimes the simplest word from someone
can open up your eyes. & when taken to heart
can just well. help.

This weekend i traveled to south carolina to hear&meet my favorite
writer Don Miller while on tour for his latest book.

Don was talking about happiness/ and low expectations

He talked about denmark being one of the 3rd happiest places in the world.
.. he watched this on 60 mins so its def legit if your wondering lol
what caught my attention the most was when he spun off
talking about people
and i could tell he was becoming more personal
when he said sometimes we get so irritated with people because they dont meet our expectiations
something like that. but this is probably just my interpretation of it.
he continued
and if we just realized that people aren't perfect
& stopped playing the blame game
it would make it things alot more simplier and we would be more content.

this rocked me. its so simple and ive probably heard it before.
but im sure that i was ment to hear it then. at this point in my story
hearing those words and getting a hold of them.
was the start to my own healing process.

my mind atomatically went to a situation i had some unresolved bitterness to
which..
(i wont really go into it but i thought i had forgiven someone and i had but i went back and in my heart blamed them for something they had no control over. me. dealing with disappointments in life is taking responsiblity for you. ive said this before you can always choose the situations that happen to you but you can choose how to respond in the middle of them. in the past i chose self pity and pointed the finger at the wrong person. and this helped me see what i needed to a long time ago. and honestly i really wouldnt have been surprised if i had heard something like what don spoke about before. i think if i did & i didnt apply to my life. it was because i wasnt in the place to fix it. not that i couldnt have. but i know i was ment to hear those words. )

i really have no reason to.

this is what im saying
putting someone on a pedestal
is setting you up to be disappointed .
people are human & so are you.
you cant blame someone else for your feelings.
self pity will get you no where.
except probably into a state of depression
like don said 'you just need to get that crap out of your life theres no room for it'
that is unless you dont want to lead a fufilling happier life

other wise you would read everything i said here in the opposite

as a side note
this may seem somewhat harsh or insenstive
to those who say that.
im not talking to you.
im talking to the one who read this and their mind went to a past
hurt, current situation.

im not saying that this is easy
but clearing the other distractions in life
can help the healing start so
you can live

thinking out loud

what's to say somthing no longer has meaning when its purpose is no longer achievable ?

who's to say

un-special

i had one of the most relaxing Monday afternoons this past week

i walk to a local pharmacy after school &

picked up a mountain dew ( yes..i love it)

let me paint a picture for you

i was supposed to be getting picked up but

i just felt like sitting

i opened my backpack and took out my copy of
Donald millers new book

but i didn't really feel much for reading just yet

just sitting there i some how just narrated in my mind

how i would describe this moment if i had to

" the aroma in the gentle breeze had the faint but consistent
scent of cigarette smoke..
but i didn't mind.. i just sat
watching busy people pass by me sitting at this cafe table.

had my back pack not been next to me
i wondered about what they would think about
me
some random girl sitting there."

but i never went any further than that.

i'll i know about this day is ..

no special guest speaker appeared at a random school assembly
and their story
made me appreciate mine even more. ( But that's for another day)

there was no great encouraging word spoken to me
by a teacher. there was no magical free ride to any college of my choice
contest
that i won..
no special sale on mountain dew..(disappointing)

all i can remember

what stands out so strong in my mind
was the

peace i had.

there was nothing special
if you went through my day right by my side you could see that.
&
i think that's what made me love it that much more.
nothing great happened. no revelation.

God's voice never thundered my name

that contentment

taught me something.

peace can be found in the most

un-special. normal situations.

the hero doesn't have to save the damsel and

then reflect on his day staring
into the sunset pondering about the meaning in his life.

to experience peace.

sometimes its just a gift.

and comes at the most un-special time

to make you appreciate it

in the times when you feel like

you need it more than air.

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
certain ones. every relationship has the potiential for a better onejust depends on how much both ppl but into it
someone helped me understand this today

took a survey for the 1st time in 12th to never.
and some of these questions caught my attention

In one of my classes there is a theme of fake friendship"marriages"
my friend was sarcasticly couxing me to make our's work haha.
he said that " for this to work we both have to give our.."
i cut him off he wasnt going to finish his thought " you mean like 50/50..so this can reach its potiential?"
" .right." he said

this doesnt only apply to guy and girl relationships.
any friendship. can just stay as a simple friendship.
or it can grow and become more
open.
intimate.
giving room for trust to grow.

#2
Does'nt it piss you off that stupid sixth graders think they're in love?
well im sure they're just immature not stupid.. and havnt have enough life experience yet. life experience being higher education. heart break. self improvement. andd i feel sometimes to tell them they're wrong is like telling a 5 year old that eating too many gummies will make you sick they'll do what they want ..
they'll just have to decide when they'll grow up
and pick up a carrot stick once in a while.